Loneliness

We haven't spoken in a while due to some valleys of life I have been through. I am back and I missed writing to you all. In this blog I want to talk about a season which can be the longest of them all, depending on the type of a personality you are and the decisions you make. This season is where you feel lonely. 

You are probably used to the company of the spouse or partner you had lived with for years. You created memories, you had dreams together and hoped for nothing but the best yet now you are in this space you never imagined. Since you are likely to be rejected by others based on how they view you, then you no longer have warm or good company or you have no company at all. You come back home from work or wherever and there is no one to talk about your day to. There is no one to bounce ideas with or vent to about any frustrations you had, this is one of the things you now no longer have.  

At this stage the only conversations you could be having with the one whom you had hoped to live with forever is arguments, fights and exchange of ugly words. You may also have children who would love to see a happy mom and you just cannot be that because of the turmoil inside of you. You may even want to shut everyone out because you believe that no one understands you or you cannot trust anyone any more. After all the person you trusted the most may have become an enemy. 

You can also be lonely because that is what you choose; to be distant and inaccessible in order to protect yourself from negative comments, unpleasant looks and all sorts of uncomfortable reactions. This was one of my survival tactics. I stayed away from most people (including friends and family), events, gatherings etc because I was not ready to deal with judgment and anything more negative that what I already felt. I wanted to protect myself emotionally; and I avoided crowds. I still went to church and made sure I looked good even if there were days I didn't feel the way I looked.

I could not stand being at a wedding ceremony especially the part where the bride and groom exchange vows. I could not listen to their replies at the end of the reception and so if I really had to attend a wedding of a friend or close family I'd arrive two hours later when the officiation is done and leave just before they can to their "reply" session. It brought tears to my eyes, it made me feel so angry and guilty that I could not live to my own vows. 

I remember having to spend a night at a friend's house because we had to attend an event together. In the evening after the event she and her husband, as couples would rightfully do, cuddled. Oh my goodness!! I was extremely jealous, hurt and became very emotional. I went to the room I was allocated for the night and sobbed, not because I wanted them to stop but I was missing the life I had become accustomed to before separation. This was the most difficult season for me. It took me a while to accept that couples must be affectionate to one another without me feeling awkward or thinking they should do it elsewhere. 

Healing Tip:

1. Acknowledge the stage you are in: LONLINESS. Do not pretend to be happy when you are not, then you will be able to deal with the phase without causing more harm or hurt to yourself. 

2. Do not stay away from places where your spirit is uplifted, for me this was my church. Although I had faced a lot of judgment and criticism in the church but I decided that I would rather "die holding on to the horns at the temple" than be outside of the house of the Lord. 

3. Hang around with people who will not remind you too much about the previous life but enrich your soul. You don't need a pity party, you need to be where you are accepted as you are.

4. Choose carefully about places you go to and the things you watch on TV or Social media. Some social media posts can be made just to rub the salt on your wound. Some TV shows or soapies can inspire you to jump into the next relationship while you are still hurting.

5. Start new habits to keep your mind away from reminding you how lonely you are: go for dance lessons, exercise, read, go for a walk, jog, do swimming lessons. Just find something new as long as it does not trigger old memories. 

6. Remember this is not about proving a point to anyone but about your emotional well being and healing. Make an effort to get out of misery, lonliness and desperation.

7. God still has a purpose and plan for your life beyond the dreams and plans you had with the person you are no longer with. His blueprint for your life remains in tact regardless.

Prayer Tips:

1. Ask the Holy Spirit to minister to you as your Comforter, Counsellor and Friend. This is what Jesus promised us - "I am leaving you with the Holy Spirit who will teach you all things and remind you everything". So the Holy Spirit will teach how to live in this new chapter of your life. 

2. Pray that God may help you not to fall into the temptation of wanting to move to the next relationship because you are so lonely and want to fulfill a particular desire or longing. God is ablle to help you enjoy the company of the Holy Spirit in your closet.

3. Pray that you can enjoy the company of your children and other family members if you have. Whom you have or not have around you should not determine how you feel, decide to be content regardless. 

Though lonely but you are never alone for God promised "never will I leave you nor forsake you"