The court journey

In the midst of the court battles; arguments with lawyers and opponents, meetings with family advocates and social workers etc you can get really frustrated to a point of wanting to give up. Your own lawyer may not seem to be making sense at times, they may sound as if they're not on your side anymore.

The court dates sometimes drag for months and you just don't want to be discussing anymore. You just want it over and done, it is an extremely draining process. When you eventually get the date for a court hearing or a session with family advocates to discuss custody of children and maintenance; the discussions are so intense and hurtful. Some of the things said about your capability of being a parent leave you shocked and in pain.

You may begin to wonder if you know the person saying all these things about you. At times they could be telling the truth but twisted just to make you feel bad and seem incapable of parenting or not deserving of any maintenance relating to the children. 

Stories may be made up about you. Your weaknesses may be used against you. It becomes a war. It's as if the two of you never loved each other. The dirty laundry is hung out there for everyone, including strangers, to see. 

I must say at this point you need the strongest support system, a person or people you can talk to without being judged. Preferably someone who has been through similar experiences. You don't need someone who'll add salt to the wound. Even if you're in the wrong, you still need someone to listen to you and hopefully they'll be honest enough with you. I believe everyone needs to be heard and guided. 

For me this person was the Holy Spirit, this is because I'm very discreet. I'm more comfortable talking to someone who will not tell the whole world about my flaws, instead comfort me and also open my eyes to my own shortcomings. If you have someone like this in your life, consider yourself blessed.  

Navigating tips: 

1. Admit where you went wrong and forgive yourself. It's not your fault that those things are being used against you even after many years and you had been forgiven, or at least you thought you were. 

2. Focus on your goal and don't be swayed by emotions, if your goal is custody stick to that. Some of the things said are meant to trigger you in public so you can be viewed in a particular way. Don't fall into the trap. 

3. Get a place where you can ventilate and cry if you have to.

Prayer tips

1. Pray for the entire process as it unfolds. Ask God to be your defender. He said that the Holy Spirit will be our Advocate, John 14:26

2. Pray for your legal team if you have one. Pray for yourself too because you need to be strong for these sessions.

3. Pray for the person who will make a ruling or judgement on the matter: clarity of thought, sanity and fair conclusion. 

You are special to God